just a little out of me today.

thank you babes, for asking about me. yeah, strange i've been today. you guys know me so well. jac, nat. ((:

jac, no i'm not depressed. but thank you for hearing me out. i really needed someone to hear it, besides my journal. listening to your indo songs. feeling damn emo now.

yeah, i really should close the book in this part of my life and move on to my new phase of life without looking back.

but, you know what they say about it being easier said then done?

if you an example, look at me: prime example numberONE.

this is really shitty. so, please give me the reasons, the explainations so i can close the book on you. more than ever, you are really full of shit you know that. you make me feel so fcuked up about myself. and i had never let anyone do that to me. not anyone who is not blood-related anyways.. and well, besides that arsehole, which everybody knows and hate. [please tell me, those who are reading out there, that you know who. well, unless you're some anon person.. well, heck, whatevs.] i don't know. feel so bloody confussed you know. so, i really just want to stick it up to you.

anyways, i miss you jac. i know. i totally agree with what you said. thankyou for listening yeah. i really appreciate it. and your advice too and stating the blatant obvious to me. haha. yeah. why aren't we closer? why didn't we ever got any closer than what we were before? i know. it's a pity ain't it. but, there's still now. ((:

and, now, why do those damn poeple with insecurity issues come hound me? they should really just get together and be insecure together. fcuk.

and, anyways, it's not that i don't feel insecure at times, who doesn't, but seriously, please get a grip.

-oh yeah, mr yang is getting married! in june. haha. CONGRATULATIONS! he's really one heck of a lovable guy. and he deserves it

p.s. i notice the nuances of change in my writing. it sucks. profanity, emofied.

okay, i really need to be back to my old self.

I WANT TO BE SANE AGAIN!!

i want to cry, i want to have all the hurt vanish, i want to not care. someone please tell me how. take everything away from me. my worries, my rage, my hurt, my confussion. it's bad, so bad that i'm beginning to have my dizzy spells and headaches.

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME.
where's superman when you need him?

cheeeebyeeee.
xoxo;
mandy.


i'm officially sorry if i pissed anyone off today okay. i just don't have it in me to aplease every single goddamn one of you.

yeah, there goes it. from confussion to hurt to anger.
vivious cycle 101.